Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The 8 Types of People You Meet on the Bus

As you may know from previous posts - I've started to take the bus. It really is very simple and the mental break it allows me is well worth the buck fifty each way. Its an hour and 45 minutes a day where I'm not behind the wheel of a car and instead can be reading a script (or so my boss has discovered). I have, however, noticed a very distinct clustering of bus riders... there are 8.

1) Bestseller Reader



The bestseller reader doesn't want to just sit on the bus while it drives. NO! they're the type to seize their new found free time and get some of those books on their nightstand read. The bestseller reader, however, doesn't really have an opinion on literature, nor does she have anything that she needs to read, so she settles for a bestseller. You see, when people see the bestseller, they know its regarded as a good book, and in hopes the best seller reader will appear cultured and intellectual. Mam, please put "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" down and pick up something that actually interests you... like that People magazine slightly sticking out of your purse.

2) Phone Talker



Of being this person, I am guilty as charged. The phone talker has zero to no consideration for those around him and will talk on the phone while riding the bus. Bus riders sit in close quarters, but this doesn't stop the phone talker from discussing intimate conversations within earshot of 35 of his fellow commuters. This is his time and he'll use it as he pleases, damn it! Buses are loud places, which both bothers the phone talker and works to his advantage. You see, the phone talker hates nothing more than when the bus gets quiet and he realizes everyone is listening to his every word...

3) Angry Commuter


Rosa Parks... the angriest of commuters.

The angry commuter is not happy about having to take the bus and while often gripe and groan when things don't seem to be going her way. The angry commuter often yells out at the bus driver when things are taking too long, as if the bus driver can magically control traffic. She rarely smiles, and often stands up to see what's going on. Commonly heard on but 704 "Hello!? Some people have to get to work here!" The angry commuter is in direct conflict with-

4) The Flirt



The flirt stands directly behind the bus driver (behind the yellow line, of course) and talks to him as he drives. She is always chatty, flirty and overly sexual. She will talk with the driver about any old thing that comes to her mind. Honestly, she is lonely and this is one man who literally cannot go anywhere. On the rare occasion that en engages in conversation, he is liable to get distracted and forget that he is stopped at a light, even as it turns green and then yellow and then red again.

5) The Homeless Babbler



The psychotic babbler is just as much a nuisance as the phone talker. He is of the handful of... putting this politely... fuckin' nuts homeless people... that climb onto the bus, throw their pennies at the bus driver and take a seat or twelve. They are natural conversationalists, and I'm sure whoever it is they are talking to in their heads is enjoying the conversation. They are loud. Potentially even louder than the phone talker and definitely more distracting than the flirt. They usually have nothing to say, but say it anyways. Whenever possible, sitting next to this bus rider should be avoided.

6) The Nap on Wheels



What's that? You've got twenty whole minutes before your stop? Sounds like the perfect time for a cat nap! The nap on wheels is no slave to comfort and will make do with wherever his head will fall. Be it against a window, pole, or the bestseller readers shoulder, the nap on wheels is instantly snoozing. He miraculously wakes up in time to get off his stop and gets up as if nothing happens. The nap on wheels is someone I'm entirely jealous of because I would just sleep all the way to Santa Monica and back. That is, of course, unless I'm stuck next to the psychotic babbler.

7) The Green One



Hey! Another category I fit into. The green one is someone on the bus because it's better for the environment. They are not shy about their love of the Earth, or about proclaiming "how green" they are. Letting everyone know what you're doing, makes you a better person (right?). The green one can be seen carrying their Whole Foods canvas bags and sporting shirts with clever earth friendly messages on them. The green one is often hip, young, independent and financially capable of driving a car. Most green ones, do not remain bus riders, as they get frustrated with its limitations. They instead justify it to themselves that driving their hummer hurts, while bad for the environment, allows them to get to that yoga class on time after all.

8) Sandra Bullock



Avoid getting on the bus with her at all costs. Sandra Bullock will undoubtedly get into some sort of trouble with a terrorist and be forced to drive your bus over a bridge that does not exist. If you are stuck on a bus with this Academy Award winner, try and remain calm and do as Keanu says. Sandra Bullock will complain of gum on her seat and is only taking the bus because she got her license taken away for speeding. Sandra Bullock does not frequent buses anymore, but on the off chance she is on your bus, take a picture for me. I have yet to be in the presence of this rare sighting, Sandra Bullock.

Meatless Monday

Meatless Monday is an international campaign that encourages people to not eat meat on Mondays to improve their health and the health of the planet. Reducing meat consumption by 15% (the equivalent of one day a week) lessens the risk of chronic preventable illness and has a strong impact on the environment.

A couple of months ago I saw a tweet from Olivia Wilde (Marissa Cooper's lesbian fling, or if you prefer, Number 13 on House) that mentioned #meatlessmonday. Intrigued, I looked it up. The above sentence is all it took to convince me to give it a try. I've always said I'd be a vegetarian if I didn't like meat so damn much. This was a way for me to at least have some sort of impact- if not the full impact vegetarians have- on the environment (and my health [those of you that know my family history know I'm doomed]). Vegetarians, I respect you...

...and I'm learning what you eat.

What started out as "breakfast for dinner" and "I'll just have a salad," has quickly escalated to spinach-basil pasta with yogurt sauce and homemade lentil burgers with potato salad.

The latter, being last nights meal. Denny, Lauren and I (you see, they have joined me on this endeavor) made these burgers from scratch-



No, that's not the picture from the recipe- that's the picture of my burger. Looks good, right? I'll tack the recipe onto the bottom of this-

After an hour of cooking, the three of us sat down to our burgers and had one of the most fun dinners I can recall having in a while. Maybe it was the wine (it was definitely the wine), but we laughed like it was no bodies business. Meatless Mondays.... bringing friends together since June. Sure, cooking dinner does it, it doesn't have to be meatless but this is a fuckin' adventure people. I made burgers OUT OF BEANS. Invite friends over. Experiment with food. Laugh like its nobodies business. and maybe help out the environment while you're at it.

Anyone have any amazing meatless recipes to send my way? Here's mine-

Lentil Burgers

3 Cups Green Lentils
1 Cup Whole Wheat Bread Crumbs
1/2 Teaspoon Sea Salt
5 Eggs
1/2 Diced Onion
1 Diced Carrot
1 Diced Tomato
Garlic to Taste
Pepper to Taste
Thyme to Taste
Spinach as Topping
Sliced Tomato as Topping
Ranch Dressing as Topping
Cheese as Topping (We used Mozzarella)

In a large pot, boil lentils until soft. They're going to need to be blended or food processed, so make sure they're not hard. Drain the water and put the lentils, eggs, salt, garlic, pepper and thyme into the food processor. NOTE: We tried using a blender and were only moderately successful. Might be because my blender is crap. Might be because a food processor works better. Anyways, we ended up blending/forking/spooning the lentil eggs mix until it had the consistency of a hummus. There were still some whole lentils for sure, but they made for a great texture. Place in a large mixing bowl and add the onions, carrots and tomatoes. NOTE: We didn't use the tomatoes last night. This is something I'm adding to the recipe because I think it would make the burgers a little bit juicier. I could be completely wrong on this.... Moving right along- mix that up and then slowly mix in your bread crumbs until the mixture is of a consistency that you can form patties out of. Make your patties (ours were too big... err on the smaller side) and then place in a frying pan with oil. We seasoned each side with a garlic/herb seasoning. Cook 7 minutes on each side until brown on both sides.

Place on a bun and garnish with spinach, tomato, ranch, and cheese. Serve with wine (duh.)

Enjoy.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Willy Wonka and the Hollywood Forever Cemetery

"It's the most fun I've had in L.A."

That's what I'd heard. Of course I'm going to go in slightly skeptical and full of the highest hopes. I'd been pumped up to believe that evening movie screenings in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery were not only great, but a quintessential part of the Los Angeles experience.


I can now stand behind everything I'd heard and assure you that it is absolutely, 100%, positively true. If you get one Saturday in LA during the summer, and only one, this better be what's on your list to do.

Screenings in the cemetery are a fantastic way to spend a summer evening. Sure it sounds creepy (and it a little bit is) but as Megan put it as we were gallivanting through the gravestones - "It's kind of cool to be here and be really a live. You know? We're living in the moment with friends. we're not here for death. We're here for life." I might have paraphrased a bit - but that's the gist of what she was drunkenly rambling on about after the movie.

Yes, I said drunkenly. You see, it's not "public" in there so drinking.... TOTALLY ALLOWED.

Several bottle of wine, a shit-ton of snack, two bags of candy and a sushi platter later - we have a successful, drunk picnic in the cemetery for last night's movie: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. (No not the shitty one - the good one.)


Gates open at 7, so Nora, Kate, Mikey, Megan and I got there at about 5:30 to get in line. Kevin and Alex and Ashley soon joined us. Followed by Janove and Julie and Jordan. What a crowd! Apples to Apples passed the time (Kate and I are kindred Apples to Apples spirits)...and so did the wine. I was hammered before I even got through the gates into the cemetery.



500+ people crowded onto the lawn for one of the greatest cult movies ever. There was yelling. There was singing. There were snarky remarks. There was quotes. There was so much candy.

It was a ton of fun- but admittedly would have been less so had it not been for the amazing weather, great friends, and campy, fun movie.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Promise(s Promises) that Ramin Setoodeh is Wrong

Much as been said about Sean Hayes' performance in Promises, Promises and the subsequent Newsweek article panning his performance because of his out sexuality. Forgive my tardiness on the subject, but I didn't feel it was safe to destroy Ramin Setoodeh's argument in the article "Straight Jacket" until I'd seen the show myself. And now I can!



While in New York (full blog coming soon) Mikey and I got a chance to grab tickets to aforementioned musical. Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenoweth in the musical version of The Apartment? Sure!

I'll divert the subject for a moment to commend Kristin Chenoweth's powerhouse performance. Girl is incredible. She has so much power and such stage presence that it is impossible to take your eyes off of her.



Thought I stopped talking about the article? Think again. It is because of her power (not Hayes' sexuality) that the two don't have the chemistry they should. I honestly think this is neither of their faults, its just that Kristin Chenoweth needs to be put against other powerhouse belters (Idina Menzel, perhaps). Notice that Setoodeh left of Hayes chemistry with Marge (Tony Award winning Katie Finneran), instead criticizing her "drunkness". The two were spot on because they were on equal playing ground. Putting Hayes in a musical with Chenoweth and expecting him (and not just him-nearly anyone!) to be at her level is tough. She's too good to a fault.



But Chenoweth is not the only reason Setoodeh was wrong. He says Hayes isn't a leading man. Of course he's not! The character is a giant goof. He's silly. He's slapstick. We're not talking about your hyper-sexualized Danny Zuko here- this is Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors territory. This character doesn't have super manly traits. That's not Hayes fault.



And you! Audience member sitting in Promises, Promises, stop bringing Jack to the performance! Hayes isn't. It's got to be on close minded audience members who can't shake his previous work. I wasn't staring at Chenoweth and seeing April Roades. Unfortunately after successful TV shows, you can get stuck in a character. This is the audience's fault for bringing it with them- not your own.

So, bravo Sean Hayes and suck it Setoodeh.